Denise Duffield-Thomas

Do Women Take Business Too Personally?

I just got back from a marketing conference that was about 95% men.... it was very different from the conferences I usually attend.

But I found something absolutely fascinating in the way men do business. Ok, I'm going to generalise here, but...

Men don't take it personally. They don't see their business as an extension of their self-esteem. They don't see their business as their baby.

The result? They can take action without worrying that people won't like them. They focus more on profit, conversions and optimisation.

I'll confess here - I take my business very personally and it sometimes stops me from taking action. I'll admit, my business often feels like an extension of myself. Do you?

Listen up here 

 

By the way - it was definitely a different energy being at a conference with so many men. Definitely fun but different. This song was in my head during the parties...

 

I'm curious...

 

Do you feel like your business is an extension of yourself,

OR... have you figured out a way to detach from your business in a healthy way?

50 Shades of Bitch (Or 50 Warning Signs You're Giving Away Your Wealth + Leadership Power)

It might surprise you to know that I don't particularly like the word bitch. Surprising most of all because I called my book Lucky Bitch, but also most people describe me as easy going or "nice".

But, there's been a recurring theme in my life. Very often when I've stood my ground or fully embraced my natural leadership skills, I've been called a bitch. It's not very nice. So, I stopped being a leader for a long time and went out of my way to be nice to everyone, just so nobody would think I was a bitch.

But you know what's worse? The fear of being called a bitch. The fear of not being liked. The fear of putting someone else out. 

That fear still comes up for me regularly ("Oh no, I'm raising my prices again, people will think I'm a bitch" or "Oh crap, I have to give negative feedback to a contractor, how can I do this without sounding like a bitch?"). For a long time, I didn't even want to share my successes because the fear of being called a "lucky bitch".

I know I'm not alone.

I've noticed a trend recently. Women all around the world are stepping up in a big way to shine even more brightly in the business arena. My clients and colleagues in particular are really embracing their roles as strong, powerful and wealthy women... but it's not all plain sailing.

Nothing brings up your worst fears and insecurities than going into business for yourself and it's easy to give away your power and energy so other people will like you and not feel threatened by your success.

It goes back to our earliest, most primitive fears of being ostracized or rejected from the tribe -being sent away alone to die by ourselves or get eaten by... I don't know dinosaurs or something. Anyone who has been mean-girled in High School dreads that feeling and it can affect your ability to create success in your life now as a grown woman.

So, if you're like me and fear being called a bitch for being yourself, I give you 50 Warning Signs You're Giving Away Your Wealth & Leadership Power

15 Ways You're Showing The Universe You're Not Worthy of Living an Abundant Life

Last weekend something happened to our carpets resulting in two giant, gross-smelling stains (I refuse to say what or who caused the stains, but let's say it wasn't me).

We tried to clean it ourselves, using baking soda to soak on it overnight and then vacuuming. It shifted the stain somewhat but it was still visible and a little bit smelly. Every time I walked into the room, I could see it. It was in the back of my mind, just one of those little annoyances.

Finally after three days of staring at those stains, I called a cleaning company who specialise in deep cleaning carpets as opposed to us cleaning challenged amateurs. They came around with their giant machine, took less than 15 minutes and got it all out.

The cost - $65.

Sixty five bucks to solve the problem, in fact, remove the problem completely and thus save me from looking at it or worrying about it ever again. But I have to admit, I was reluctant to pay it, thinking that I should be able to do it myself.

As I was coaching with clients this week, I told this story repeatedly because as women entrepreneurs, we're often looking for the make-do fix. We feel like we "should" know how it do it alone. We not only try and polish the turd, we roll it in glitter for good measure.

They might be tiny little trivial things, but trust me - everytime you choose the economy option rather than the VIP, you're telling the Universe that you aren't ready for more.

We try to make things difficult for ourselves because we're reluctant to pay the money for the right solution, we think we should do it ourselves or deep down, we don't believe we deserve the very best.

You know how much I enjoy stretching an analogy and mining my day to day life for inspiration? Let me give you just 15 examples of where I see this showing up in my own, my clients and friends' lives:

In Your Business & Career

• Trying to do everything yourself from websites to P.R or paying bits and pieces of money for cobbled together solutions that don't quite work

• Being reluctant to hire help, because we're too busy and besides, "nobody can do it like me"

• Sticking with a web designer/graphic designer that doesn't work for you anymore because you feel bad about leaving or asking for what you really want

• Waiting to get the new laptop/iPad/iPhone because you can't justify the expense yet or you don't feel "ready" for the best equipment

• Having substandard headshots/business cards/website and being too embarrassed to send them to potential clients

• Not having a dedicated space for your business for fear of incoveniencing other people

• Using a shitty chair and then having a fortune in chiropractic bills

 

Life in general

• Driving a car that is falling apart and continuing to pay money to get it fixed instead of buying a new one

• Skipping lunch or feeding yourself leftovers

• Feeling like a terrible mother for putting your kids in daycare just to get some ME time or to work on your business

• Feeling guilty about getting a cleaner in, but getting frustrated with a messy house, spending your Saturdays cleaning or fighting with your partner about whose turn it is to clean the toilet

• Being loyal to a hair or beauty person even if you aren't happy with the service anymore

• Resenting your partner because they seem to buy new clothes and shoes when they need them without feeling guilty about it

• Putting off health maintance (like dental or optical) because you're scared of the cost

• Wearing outdated clothes or glasses (or feeling like laser is something that "other people do")

Polish a turd or roll it in glitter;
it's still sh-t and you deserve more.

Click here to tweet this gem out

Where in your life are you trying to polish that turd? Honestly?

The good news is - every time you choose the VIP option, every time you choose to honour yourself, your time and (let's face it) your mental health... the Universe rewards you.

Sometimes that costs money, sometimes it's inconvenient and yes, sometimes you will feel guilty.

Take Action!

Pick ONE thing in your day to day life that is causing unnecessary wasted energy and immediately upgrade it. Call the cleaning company and book them in. Book in the virtual assistant. Lock in the date for the new headshots. Go through your closet and chuck out everything that's economy.

This will have a HUGE impact on your manifesting ability - show the Universe that you are worth more and you'll be rewarded for it.

xx

Shit Life Coaches Say

I say shit like this all the time.

via the gorgeous ladies, Amy Smith and Andrea Owen at THE SELF-LOVE REVOLUTION http://TheSelfLoveRevolution.com

Amy at www.thejoyjunkie.com

Andrea at www.yourkickasslife.com

Nice one ladies - wish I got off my ass to do it first!

xx Denise

The Worst Thing I've Done For Money

Ok, not that

.. and I've never killed anyone either.

But I've done some pretty terrible jobs in my life; cleaning offices, washing up dishes in a seafood restaurant, phone sex and taking my clothes off for money (but it was an art class.. so it's ok).

I'm not alone in my crappy job history - I asked for contributions and I got inundated with responses, like:

• Pulling weeds in an oil refinery
• Selling acid tabs to fund running away from home
• Lots of telemarketing jobs
• Credit card collecting
• Playing a gorilla in a children's opera
• Working at McDonald's and going home smelling like McNuggets

Pretty much everyone has to do crappy jobs at some point in their life; teenagers and college students have to take what they can get and it's true... it's character building! My teenage brother just started his first job in a kebab shop and he's thrilled to be earning money for the first time!

But sometimes you're not a kid anymore and you do something that makes you feel like shit: